On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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