I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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