I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
