where am i from again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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