oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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