i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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