That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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