the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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