ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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