when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We left the knife in your bed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
