She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
