I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
