I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
