your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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