My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
