he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
