everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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