Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
