I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize