Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
