Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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