My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
