I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Who died my cat blue again?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize