I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
