I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
