somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
do nipples grow back?
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