You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
