I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
