Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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