he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
