Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize