Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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