I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How external is "for external use only"?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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