I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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