we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
