What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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