Me. At least after what I've been through.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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