I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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