Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
