This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
