Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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