Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
vagina is talking i cant
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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