Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
