This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
