and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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