I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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