Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
