i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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