i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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