those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
