Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
