If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
