dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize