Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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