she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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