The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
