cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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