Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
