At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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