i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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