If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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