Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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