Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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