my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
