oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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