it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize