I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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