I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
