i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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