You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
