Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
