it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize