ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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