i permit you to call me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
