so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
