Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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