Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
