i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
