Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
