From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
