remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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