Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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