I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
