Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
