what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
