Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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