ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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