hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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