good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
