so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
