Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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