when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm always down for nudity.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize