So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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