I wish I could teleport
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
