Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
