I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
