Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
