yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
