just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
