Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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