you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
