And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize