i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I love you. Go after that dick
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
