Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
