I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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