oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
