he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
