thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
